The best time to write is when you’re really feeling it. That is why I stopped writing to start writing. Let me explain, I was working on writing 60 Summers, but I switched over to his blog post. I want to say that I am so enjoying this writing process, learning outlining, and as I thought of that, I’m thinking, why do I stay away from writing so much when I extremely overwhelmingly, I can’t even explain the feeling of what it feels like to just do what you love.
I just cannot express in words how much I love doing this. I pause because I don’t know how to explain myself. I feel this is as an assignment.
Ever since I was a kid, I absolutely loved reading, I loved smelling paper. Even now, I pick up paper, books, anywhere, at the store, random receipts and just …smell the paper. I love it. I can’t explain my curiosity of craziness, but I absolutely love it! I love the smell of pencil on a paper or just a pencil and just a paper, the combination of both, crayons crayons actually are also included in this. The movement of pencil and pen on a paper is like a part of my moving existence. So as I write on that “feeling”of assignment of writing these books, I reach out to thrive in the form of my art, because I don’t want to reach out to survive anywhere else than in my calling. To enjoy and love life in its simplest form, which is through my purpose, through my gifts of sharing them with the world.
So as I set up my site with confidence and belief that the world may hear the genuineness palpitations of my soul, I know it will blossom. No, I am SURE it is blossoming before my eyes. I remember something my husband said to me years ago, “You are afraid of success, but you are also afraid not to have success.” two contradictions, and yes, as my life is every evolving and experiencing and learning and growing, and now, as a self diagnosed ADHD’r, I’ve come to understand that yes, there are two brains inside of me, one person, but ‘two brains’ one always contradicting itself from the other. Pulling at each other, one saying “yes, you can do it”, one saying “no, don’t do it.” so, as I fight against these two brains, I reach out through my passion, breaking the walls of patterns of cycles, it may seem like I am speaking to no one, but I know that I speak through my purpose, and my purpose is the one that will open doors, but even if no one hears, even if no door opens, man I am so happy here. I am so content because this is my place. This is where I fit in so uncomfortably, so comfortably uncomfortably, that is the most beautiful feeling.
I love my life, at least that’s what I say silently when I’m feeling and experiencing something good in my life. But when somethings not going well in my life, even just an instant situation, I also say as humanly possible “I hate my life”, but God knows what I mean. I don’t necessarily hate it. I just hate that part at that moment. Well, anyways, I’m glad I got this out. I’m going back and work on 60 Summers so I can finish it up before the Summer or at least during Summer, it seems like. I am finally breaking through the wall side of my brain that has told me no because I am now done listening.
i am done listening
