I feel like nothing. I don’t want to do a thing but sleep and get my rest, but I can’t. 20 til midnight. I’ve been setting up my app for launch but have run into a snag. Something about ‘sentry initialization’. Do you know what that’s about? neither do I. Other than that, app is looking great.
Let’s talk about something better. (yes, I just avoided the why I can’t sleep) I erased my last line. Don’t you know that the best thing in life is to be so real? Raw. Transparent. That doesn’t mean that you have to share everything. But it does mean you can be honest and excuse yourself.
I honestly hate this world we live in now. So much evil. So much self-centeredness. Just everything that is negative. I almost don’t want to deal with other humans anymore. Have you ever felt that way? Can we be honest?
But what I realize ever more, everyday is that I’m that person too. I can be ugly and yes, I believe I have been evil. Even just by not wanting to help someone because it’s inconvenient. Selfish. All of us. At one point or another, in some way, some form.
I want something real. I want to be real. but sometimes the truth does hurt. It hurts because we are wrong. And it hurts more because we are being stubborn and sometimes arrogant. I wont let evil win. I can’t. I mean that. Everyday I reflect and I reconsider my ways and repent of all my wrong that I have committed in my heart and ways. And some days I repeat my arrogance. But then I repent.
I look back at my life and see how much I’ve changed. How the things I used to deal with over and over again, repeating fits of jealousy and anger. gone now. I kept choosing to repent. Heal. Be broken and heal all over again.
Today I face greater challenges. Challenges that are too hurtful to even speak of for the moment.
I feel a little better. but I still can’t sleep. I may have to scratch my itch and fall in love with my husband. Meaning, I’m going to watch a romance movie. Every time I watch a romance, I fall in love with him a little more. 😊♥️
By the way, I was wanting to add: yes, the world is full of evil, but it is also full of love everywhere. God’s love. I believe that. I desire to sprinkle his kindess, although many times I haven’t been so kind. But my heart is ever changing to be more kinder. I am kinder now more than I was yesterday and I plan to always get better everyday.
Now, my movie. Wait, I just yawned. I feel a bit of tiredness. yes.
