I dream of living in California. I believe the stirring, burning sensation began at the time I started falling in love with my husband. He’s from California, Los Angeles I mean, there’s a difference he says. I suppose it’s a long story as to why in the world I’m living in Houston instead 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. But let’s forget that for now. I love the West. I love the West Coast. California, specifically. I love the desert landscape of the West, it’s so beautiful, the cactus, the desert sunsets, and I loved the memories shared in Vegas as we lived there for almost a decade. Again, I have “no idea” what we’re doing living in Houston 🤦🏻♀️. Well, I do know, but I have “no idea”. Thing is, when we were in Vegas, I was waiting to leave there also, (psychopath, right?) to Phoenix where I was born and raised and I missed my family so much though we would see each other, maybe not too often but more often than here in Houston. Vegas and Phoenix are 4 hours away from each other.
I do want to state that I did not realize how much “Vegas meant to me” at the time we were there. Our two youngest were born there. We made so many rich memories there in such a small city. Looking back, it’s so nostalgic, so beautiful, and I didn’t even see it. Not so vivid as I see it now. So many beautiful moments. That’s where me and my husband built and spent most of our marriage, —actually, all of it. It’s where me and my oldest daughter would go on our daughter/mom days to random cafés around the city, Henderson, the strip and eat crêpes and drink lattes, well, she drank lattes. I don’t like coffee, and that one time we ate those amazing eggs benedict at Mon Ami Gabi for breakfast, also where me and my husband shared some creme Burlee on one of our anniversaries. And by the way, one thing that I really loved about Vegas especially on the strip, but most anywhere, you’d run into people from literally all over the world. You’d see families walking by talking in their native languages; French, German, Japanese, Korean. People from India, Africa. It was like visiting the whole world at once, or at least many parts of the world in just one city. In just one trip to the store. Yes, I would gladly live in Vegas again, maybe Phoenix, but yes, Phoenix, most definitely, maybe. Definitely California.
I am counting down the unknown days of the day we will leave. God willing. Really, God willing, I’m not just saying it. I’ve come to the point of just rendering it all no matter what I may think is best. I’ve made enough bad decisions to keep making them over and over again. Like moving to Houston🤦🏻♀️. So yes, God willing. But although “God willing” He knows my desires, and they are very much open to Him. And I am reminded of psalms, 37:4 “delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Which by the way, is one of the verses I used to quote almost every week on Sundays growing up, well probably Wednesdays also, or whatever other day we had church. Doesn’t matter what day, but it happened and that verse has stuck with me all my life, and it’s embedded in me ever so now.
I’ve moved on from my slump of not wanting to be here. Houston. I have accepted better tomorrow’s every day. Today I’m living yesterdays hope for a better tomorrow. I really am. I am so grateful for every single thing that I have. First and foremost that I have Him and He is my guiding light, even though my mistakes took me astray, He made a path, but this pathway now is taking a little bit longer. Maybe He’s wanting me to learn some thing, you know. He is. I know what it is, maybe not to it’s fullest, but, I know. Well, I’m listening now. Anything that will get me to California, maybe. Maybe California. Hope so. Psalm 37:4.
